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Danger Kitty
From the TV commerical for Discover Card (1999-2000). Super perfect hair metal band simulacrum circa 1983 with the big hit "Love Rocket." But really a lesson on fiscal responsibility from Discover Card. Played by real L.A. band Metalshop (later Metal Skool, then Steel Panther).
Lineup:
- lead singer Michael Diamond
- Rikki Ratchet on guitar,
- Ginger Roxx on bass
- Blackhead on drums.
For a while you could get a free CD single of "Love Rocket" online at the now long dead website www.dangerkittytheband.com. The site also included a whole fake bio of the band:
The year was 1983. Rock and Roll was in a season of change. Punk Rock was on the downturn, anti-establishers were establishing, and gone were the days of "just be yourself". People were looking to be someone else. They were looking for an escape, for a new sound. Well, lucky for them, the music industry, and purveyors of fine hairsprays worldwide, just such a sound was being formed in a tiny garage outside the town of Mulch, WV. It was a sound that would soon blow the roof off the Rock and Roll industry, not to mention the tops off of millions of adoring young fans. The sound would be known as Glam Rock. The band would be known as Danger Kitty. This is their story.
Packing all their gear and fashion accessories into an old, rusted out funeral hearse, Danger Kitty set off for L.A. in January of 1983 with dreams of making it big some day. "Hey, if we can rock the @#?! out of the bars in Mulch, we can rock the @#?! out of the bars in L.A," lead singer Michael Diamond would say. "Rock and Roll has no boundaries, man! @#?! yeah!"
However, once in the city, it seemed that a life of poverty was never far away. Since Rock and Roll was in a transition phase, some bars were reluctant to let the new sound of Danger Kitty loose. It wouldn't be until about two months after their arrival that they got their first big break. It just so happened that the lead singer for "Bust You in the Mouth" came down with a severe case of pink eye causing the band to cancel their show at the Hollywood Hills Starstruck Inn. Needing a replacement band quickly, Starstruck manager, Eduardo Navas, made the call to Danger Kitty. "If it hadn't been for Eduardo's foresight, man, who knows where we'd be," Diamond would say. "Maybe the Blue Marlin Inn."
Pretty soon it was a gig here and a gig there. More gigs here, more gigs there. Things began to pick up for Danger Kitty. Their dreams were beginning to materialize. And in a relatively short period of time, they had developed a large following of fellow ascot-around-the-knee wearers. The future was bright.
It was the Spring of 1983 when the bomb exploded. Danger Kitty began to take the club scene by storm. Rocking out tunes like " Bang On The Wall Of Rock" and "Venom In My Veins", Danger Kitty was soon selling out venues and raising industry eyebrows. But it wasn't until they released "Love Rocket" would the world really know what it meant to wear leopard print pants. "Love Rocket" rocketed them to instant stardom. They signed a megamillion dollar deal with Bouffant Records and toured the states the way a tornado tours a trailer park. They were the epitome of rock stars. There was nothing they couldn't have. Nothing they wouldn't buy. The lead guitarist, Rikki Ratchet, even bought his pet elephant a manicurist. It was Glam Rock at its mightiest. And it was the beginning of the end for Danger Kitty.
In October of 1983, the mascara had begun to run. Overspending, poor money management and copycat Glam Rockers soon knocked Danger Kitty off the teased hair scene. Achieve a little fame, get a little money and buy the most expensive women's clothing you could find. It was an all too familiar path traveled by a many would-be rock stars who let the success go to their heads. Danger Kitty had fallen into the trap and by February of 1984, their assault on the fashion industry had come to a screeching halt.
Reduced to private parties and PTA meetings, Danger Kitty frontman, Michael Diamond, kept a positive outlook during the lean years. "Look man," said Diamond "life runs in circles. Boxer shorts, man? They're back. Back in a big way. And platform shoes? Back. Now, will Glam Rock be back? Man, I don't know. But what I do know is boxer shorts and platform shoes - and they're back, man. They're back."
Words never rang truer, for only a couple months ago, Danger Kitty was approached by Discover Card to star in their latest ad campaign. It took all of about 2.3 seconds for the band to come back to Discover Card with a resounding, "$@#! yeah, dude, what are you kidding us, of course, where do we sign, anyone got a pen?!!"
The Kitty was back.
"Listen man," Diamond said after signing the Discover Card deal, "if selling out to these corporate, fascist, pinko-lovin', yes-men is what we've got to do to get back to the top, then that's what we're gonna do. They're giving us exposure, a cd deal, a sponsored gig or two, and some of those really nice frilly things you attach to your sleeve to look like a pirate. It's cool, man. It's cool."
Yes, Michael, it is cool. Now the only question that remains is if the world will think it cool. Are they ready for another onslaught of ripped jeans, teased hair, and uninspired lyrics? No one knows for sure. But, if Danger Kitty can return to their magical 1983 form, well, let's just say hairspray sales should dramatically increase.
Meow.
